I have had it wrong for so many years. Growing up in a religious environment where a premium was placed on performance as a Christian combined with my inherent tendency to disregard the status quo led to a whole world of rebellion and distance from God. This same attitude has permeated much of my existence and has even to this day kept me hanging on to the idea that I will determine my own path, and even my relationship with God could take a backseat to that. Although I have experienced spiritual growth, it has often been tainted by my innate longing to forge my own path. In the past few weeks, an idea began to bludgeon this thought process into a thousand broken pieces. This independence and perceive freedom was an even more extreme form of bondage than surrendering to the will of God ever could be. My innate desire to not be directed, guided, or in any way expected to perform a certain way was only a vicious trap and cycle of bondage and slavery to everything that I longed for with my sinful heart. I have been undergoing a sometimes painful process of realizing that the only surrender I need to commit to is surrendering to God. The amazing thing is that within this surrender, I am now free to rebel against all of the things that I formerly saw as freedom and self-determination. I no longer have to live my life longing for the next time I can pursue those things of the flesh that look like such a wonderful garden, but upon closer inspection only bear tainted and poisoned fruit. I have wallowing in this garden, believing, much like Adam and Eve, that the fruit that I gobbled up greedily only carried a damning poison that ensured my death. What a startling revelation to see God can even utilize my innate desire to pursue my own path to further his kingdom within me. I no longer have to live within the shame and pretense of feasting on the things of this world as an expression of my will and self-determination. My will and self-determination I publicly surrender to Jesus. What a sweet relief to know that the chains that have bound me to my own prideful pursuits have been broken and my sins have been thrown in the deepest sea. I am now free to pursue that things that God has for me, fully and without reservation. I am now free to see exactly where God will take me withing this surrender. I am blessed. I am forgiven. I am loved. I am now free to rebel.
Lord, help me to rebel against the ways of this world. Help me to never go back to that garden of poisoned fruit.
