Thankful for what is not

As I reflected on Thanksgiving, my mind immediately went to the things that i am thankful for. Family, health, job, insurance and time to relax this holiday. As the children went to bed and things began to quiet down, my thoughts turned a little darker, and moments of depression began to creep in. My parents and brother and sister are far away, the kids are often taxing, any down time just feels like a time to try to survive until the next battle and any number of other daily stressors crept back into my thoughts. As is sometime the case, this spiral downward carried me towards recalling some of the darkest days of my life. When family meant very little to me. When my days were spent trying to meet the insistence of addiction. When I feel I was not even close to the person that God intended me to be. I pictured all of the times that I truly made choices that were worthy of physical death. In this dark moment, God handed me a revelation that that is all part of a person that I am not anymore. I can read the pages of that book, but I am no longer a major character in those "Chapters of the Lost" That is not who I am!! That is not what I want!! That is not what God wants for me!! So, on this Thanksgiving I find myself thankful for all of the things God has given me, but find myself infinitely more grateful for all that He has taken away. God, let me remember all that you have saved me from, and may it propel me towards what you have saved me to.

Sinners in the Hands of a Greiving God

Many years ago a renowned evangelist, Jonathan Edwards preached one of the single most famous sermons ever preached. It was titled "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" God does get angry. There are many examples of his anger throughout the Bible. My vision of God for many years was that God is the Great Smiter of evil. This often compelled me to move towards Him much as a cowering dog on a leash moves toward its handler, not out of affection, but out of fear of a quick strike from a fist or a boot. Is this the way we live our Christian lives at times? Our fingernails claw at the earth as God tugs us toward Him, filling us with fear that our health, family, and all things we hold dear are possible targets of his anger. This is a debilitating state of being for a Believer, and often leads to man-made rules superimposing themselves over God's laws. It becomes a game of religous have's and have nots. Very few would argue that we should live this way, but many end up in a relationship with God that closely resembles this.



What is God Then?



God is Love. Many Christians reading this were just completely turned off by that statement. It is a statement that has often been hijacked by the world, but that should not lessen its impact for us. God is not a God who draws us near, snaps a collar on our neck and tells us that he will punish us if we tug on the leash. God is not suprised when we we run away. He actually has a plan in place for when this happens. His preemptive plan is to show us how much he loves us, and how awesome true fellowship with him is. God shows us the wonder of his grace and gives us ample warning as to the pitfalls that exist when we meander, or sometimes bolt away from Him. However, He does not sit at home polishing His boots, thinking about how he is going to teach us a lesson when we return. God begins mourning and grieving the loss of fellowship the moment we turn our back on him. This may be a simplification of the concept, but here is the way I think of it. God mourns our state of being when we are lost. He is also out canvassing the neighborhood, putting up LOST signs with our picture on them and offering the REWARD of reconciliation with Him, and rest in his open arms.



How then shall we live?



The question pops into my head- "what's to keep me from running away again if I am not afraid of kicks and punches?" Why do we run away from the loving, guiding hand of the Master and look for scraps when He has a feast prepared for us? God reveals to us the bounty of His nature and the richness of His blessings. In His infinite wisdom He knows that fear undermines all other motives, and to have and share a perfect fellowship with us He inspires us with the promise of a renewed realtionship. A relationship with the most Holy Master is the draw that brings us back into the fold.

Do not cower out of fear when you come back to the Lord. Be overcome by contrition and humility and be overjoyed that he waits for you. He waits for you with tears of sadness in His eyes, but with a look of joy on His face. He calls you back with love, not with condemnation.

Moving On

God moves in ways of mystery. If you would have asked me one week ago if my family would have any intention of moving back to Alaska, I would have given you a resounding "NO" and would have spoken for my wife with an even louder "NO". Due to a variety of circumstances, we are feeling very led to head back home to Alaska. I do not think that we would feel this way if we had not had so many trials which turned into opportunities for God to bless us during this year. We have had to rely on our faith, and rely on each other, as we have been very isolated here in Phoenix. It is taking on the feeling of a joyful homecoming, the thought of heading back to Alaska. God still has to point me in the right direction as far as employment, but I have had to rely on Him in much more stressful times, when much more was on the line, so I know he is there for us now. Although God moves in mysterious ways, there is no mystery surrounding how we are to move. Surrender, submit, and press on toward the prize. This is what my family will do as we return home.

The White Flag Prayer

Several years back after reaching a point of spiritual stagnancy, and after leaving a trail of scars on myself and on many others, I reached a point where I was all alone. I had not been abandoned, I had merely fled. In doing so, I found that the convenient blame and excuses that I often laid at the feet of others were now sitting on my doorstep. It was I who was living my life, and it was I who had made a shambles of it. Having no one else around to save me forced me to realize that God was the one who had to be in control of my life. This was easier said than done. I remember one hot afternoon in Phoenix, standing on my back porch and battling for 15-20 minutes on whether or not I could actually pray the prayer that needed to be said. You see, it was not that I thought that God would ignore me, it was that I knew that my surrender would have accompany that prayer, and I had fought for so long to be "in charge". When I prayed that prayer, I felt a physical lifting of a heavy weight, and knew that the battle was not in the words of the prayer, but the surrender that accompanied that prayer. I continued to pray every hour or so for several days, and each time knew that it was not how long the prayer was or how well it was stated, but it was the surrender that accompanied it. I was acknowledging that God was in charge, and was ceding that leadership role to him. I try to make this the subcontext of every prayer I make, because the old man is always pushing back, and complete and constant surrender is the only way that I can be who God intends me to be. Pray several times a day with the white flag waving, and the Great Victor who has already won the battle will continue to lead you to victory. Lord, may my prayers focus on my surrender and submission to your will. Thank you for all of your blessings.

Forgiveness and the Halibut Killer

Several summers ago I went on a halibut fishing trip with some family members. I bought several lures to help me reach the depths where the big fish are supposed to be. One lure in particular seemed to be exactly what a halibut was looking for. This lure was called the Halibut Killer, and it had a retail price of around 16 dollars. It was my prized lure, and I was certain that it was helping me to catch the most halibut. After catching 3 or 4 fish on it, I dropped it down and felt a big tug, and then I felt nothing. My prized lure was lost 200 feet down at the bottom of Kachemak Bay.
The Bible says that our sins will be buried in the "deepest sea" when we ask the Lord for forgiveness. I am sure if my lure had been lost in ten feet of water, I would have spent too much time thinking about how to somehow bring it back. It was lost at 200 feet, and I had no hope of its return. It was immediately gone from my thoughts. Imagine then what our Savior intends when he says our sins are in"the deepest sea". I do not think that it is for His own benefit that he puts them so far out of reach, it is for our benefit. He knows that we as humans have trouble letting go of our mistakes and failures, and has made it very clear, that where he is concerned there is no room to dwell on them indefinitely. Guilt can paralyze and cripple any spiritual growth. It can also place great barriers between us and God. We must be aware of our shortcomings and be humbled by them, but know that once we have sought reconciliation, it will be granted in a larger way and our sins buried in a deeper sea than we could ever imagine. Be aware of the spiritual "lures" that you can't seem to let go of, and give them over to the Creator of the deepest seas. Lord, help me to accept your forgiveness and the forgiveness of those aound me.

The Look of a Loving Father

I can often picture the prodigal son upon his return home feeling deep shame and sadness at the choices he had made, and even having a feeling as simple as embarassment. Although many moments in my life have been accompanied by these emotions, one time really stands out to me. Several years back I was really struggling with my faith (as in not really having any), and was leading a lifestyle that the young son in the Prodigal Son story led. I was living and eating with the swine, and I was quickly losing my life and my faith.
I had placed myself in a situation where my family was looking for me around town because they were concerned with all the bad choices I was making. I was mad at them for looking, and sad that I was in this position. I was headed into a liquor store to continue the "squandering" and I looked up and saw my Dad standing there. I was immediately angry and hurtful and I told him to just leave me alone, and quit caring about me. The look in his eyes breaks my heart to this day. I could even see that he was not full of condemnation, but only love. I chose to reject his love on that day. The shame and embarassment at my choices hindered my ability to reconcile with my earthly father.
How many times do our choices that we make interfere with our reconciliation to our Heavenly Father? Embarassed? Ashamed? Lost? He stands there, reaching out to us, no thoughts of how dirty, unlovely, and shamefaced we are. He reaches out his glory filled hands and brushes off a little dirt and grabs hold of us and says "You are my son, and I only see what good you can be". Keep this in mind when you feel things slipping away, or when you just aren't good enough, or when life comes at you with trials and tests. We are his children, and He loves us just as much dirty as He does clean. His love for us never changes, but our responses to His love should always bring us closer to Him. Thank you Lord for the feast of reconciliation you keep placing before me.