Vulnerable in Love

I have a confession to make. It may not come as a surprise to some of those around me, but it was kind a revelation that took place this evening, so it is new to me. I am good at showing love, good at doing the things that one who loves must do, but really bad feeling comfortable in that love. My feelings of my worth and being loved are largely based upon certain earmarks of performance. This has been true in my faith, in my family, and in my marriage. My love always included intricate formulas which allow me show the proper dedication and fulfill the necessary obligations of love, without really opening myself up to loving or being loved. I have often played the part of one who does not care much for love because I could not handle the vulnerability that would be necessary if I was to truly love. As I was enjoying time with my son tonight, my love for him prompted my eyes to well up with tears. After thinking "this is ridiculous!", I actually began to focus on what I felt, and compared it to how we experience our Heavenly Father. He is so open and vulnerable in His love toward us. He is so vulnerable that He even gives us the option of not loving Him at all. He sheds tears of joy when we sit close to Him, and he sheds tears of sorrow when we turn our backs and flee His presence. His love does not say, "I will only love you if you promise not to hurt me". His love says, "I will always love you, even though it is the very nature of your being to hurt Me." To even go a step further, He says, "Not only will I love you when you turn your back on me, I will send my Son to die in your place even though your natural reaction is to reject this gift." God- the omnipotent, omniscient, all present being made His Son vulnerable to us knowing we would call the name Barrabas along with the screaming mob. He knew we would gamble over the clothes Christ died in. He knew that we would reject Him time and time again. He knew that we would take His words and twist them to serve our needs. He knew all of this before He extended His love to us, yet He still loved us first. I love my son, and will do anything for him, but God loves us infinitely more, and already did everything for us. Lord, help me to show the same vulnerability in loving others that you showed us in gifting your Son to us. I know that I am loved by You. Let that be all the safety net that I need.