When to look back.

I was sitting in church yesterday, listening to a challenging message about Pressing on Toward the Prize, and how it is important not to look back when racing because it can cause you to lose momentum, stumble, or veer off course. Although I agree with this , in typical oppositional fashion, I immediately began to look back in my own life. This time it was very different for me. In the past, any looks back in my life led to feelings of depression, insecurity, failed religious effort, and the depravity of sin. When I looked back yesterday, I saw all of these things were certainly there, but I felt no emotional attachment to them. Instead, I saw a brilliant flash of grace wherever these sins existed previously and the sharpness and clarity of those times when I stumbled is slowly fading from my field of vision. It does not mean that I will not stumble again, or that I will not have to continue to strive, but now my looking back is cause for much rejoicing at the overwhelming love and grace and forgiving power of Jesus. Much like a marathon runner, these intermittent looks back give us a great opportunity to check the path that we have already run, and thereby gauge the race that we will run in the future. I am just very glad that when I did look back, the crippled, plodding man I was who wore the race jersey and started when the gun sounded is now a somewhat faster, somewhat more ambulatory, and certainly more focused racer. I am not yet a world class runner, but I thank God for his blessing in guiding me on the course and nudging me a little when I try to take a shortcut. I can actually begin, like Paul, to look forward to the prize. Lord, help me to press on toward the prize, and only to use these looks back as encouragement for future hills I must climb.