The White Flag Prayer

Several years back after reaching a point of spiritual stagnancy, and after leaving a trail of scars on myself and on many others, I reached a point where I was all alone. I had not been abandoned, I had merely fled. In doing so, I found that the convenient blame and excuses that I often laid at the feet of others were now sitting on my doorstep. It was I who was living my life, and it was I who had made a shambles of it. Having no one else around to save me forced me to realize that God was the one who had to be in control of my life. This was easier said than done. I remember one hot afternoon in Phoenix, standing on my back porch and battling for 15-20 minutes on whether or not I could actually pray the prayer that needed to be said. You see, it was not that I thought that God would ignore me, it was that I knew that my surrender would have accompany that prayer, and I had fought for so long to be "in charge". When I prayed that prayer, I felt a physical lifting of a heavy weight, and knew that the battle was not in the words of the prayer, but the surrender that accompanied that prayer. I continued to pray every hour or so for several days, and each time knew that it was not how long the prayer was or how well it was stated, but it was the surrender that accompanied it. I was acknowledging that God was in charge, and was ceding that leadership role to him. I try to make this the subcontext of every prayer I make, because the old man is always pushing back, and complete and constant surrender is the only way that I can be who God intends me to be. Pray several times a day with the white flag waving, and the Great Victor who has already won the battle will continue to lead you to victory. Lord, may my prayers focus on my surrender and submission to your will. Thank you for all of your blessings.

Forgiveness and the Halibut Killer

Several summers ago I went on a halibut fishing trip with some family members. I bought several lures to help me reach the depths where the big fish are supposed to be. One lure in particular seemed to be exactly what a halibut was looking for. This lure was called the Halibut Killer, and it had a retail price of around 16 dollars. It was my prized lure, and I was certain that it was helping me to catch the most halibut. After catching 3 or 4 fish on it, I dropped it down and felt a big tug, and then I felt nothing. My prized lure was lost 200 feet down at the bottom of Kachemak Bay.
The Bible says that our sins will be buried in the "deepest sea" when we ask the Lord for forgiveness. I am sure if my lure had been lost in ten feet of water, I would have spent too much time thinking about how to somehow bring it back. It was lost at 200 feet, and I had no hope of its return. It was immediately gone from my thoughts. Imagine then what our Savior intends when he says our sins are in"the deepest sea". I do not think that it is for His own benefit that he puts them so far out of reach, it is for our benefit. He knows that we as humans have trouble letting go of our mistakes and failures, and has made it very clear, that where he is concerned there is no room to dwell on them indefinitely. Guilt can paralyze and cripple any spiritual growth. It can also place great barriers between us and God. We must be aware of our shortcomings and be humbled by them, but know that once we have sought reconciliation, it will be granted in a larger way and our sins buried in a deeper sea than we could ever imagine. Be aware of the spiritual "lures" that you can't seem to let go of, and give them over to the Creator of the deepest seas. Lord, help me to accept your forgiveness and the forgiveness of those aound me.

The Look of a Loving Father

I can often picture the prodigal son upon his return home feeling deep shame and sadness at the choices he had made, and even having a feeling as simple as embarassment. Although many moments in my life have been accompanied by these emotions, one time really stands out to me. Several years back I was really struggling with my faith (as in not really having any), and was leading a lifestyle that the young son in the Prodigal Son story led. I was living and eating with the swine, and I was quickly losing my life and my faith.
I had placed myself in a situation where my family was looking for me around town because they were concerned with all the bad choices I was making. I was mad at them for looking, and sad that I was in this position. I was headed into a liquor store to continue the "squandering" and I looked up and saw my Dad standing there. I was immediately angry and hurtful and I told him to just leave me alone, and quit caring about me. The look in his eyes breaks my heart to this day. I could even see that he was not full of condemnation, but only love. I chose to reject his love on that day. The shame and embarassment at my choices hindered my ability to reconcile with my earthly father.
How many times do our choices that we make interfere with our reconciliation to our Heavenly Father? Embarassed? Ashamed? Lost? He stands there, reaching out to us, no thoughts of how dirty, unlovely, and shamefaced we are. He reaches out his glory filled hands and brushes off a little dirt and grabs hold of us and says "You are my son, and I only see what good you can be". Keep this in mind when you feel things slipping away, or when you just aren't good enough, or when life comes at you with trials and tests. We are his children, and He loves us just as much dirty as He does clean. His love for us never changes, but our responses to His love should always bring us closer to Him. Thank you Lord for the feast of reconciliation you keep placing before me.