But oh, don't I know
I'm just digging my own grave
Someone else please save myself from me. -(Thrice- from the song "Digging My Own Grave")
But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which he loved us,
even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ
(by grace you have been saved, and raised up with Him, and seated us with Him in
the heavenly places, in Christ Jesus. (Ephesians 2:4-6)
To many individuals who profess Jesus as their savior, the idea of being raised from the death that is our sins is a very familiar concept. We know that when we asked Jesus to take over our lives, this is what we are asking for. We are certain that he is the one who saved us from ourselves. Why then is it often so difficult to live as if we are "lifted up in the heavenly places". Why does such a life of victory seem to stay on the pages of our Bibles instead of leaping off the pages and invading the very core of who we are?
As God continues to reveal to me what it means to live a life that exhibits being raised from the dead, a mental image appears in my mind. I imagine a mound of earth and a headstone. In it is my still, lifeless body. Jesus reaches through the rain-soaked filth and mud with his nail scarred hand, grabs hold of my own, breathes life into my soul, and pulls me out of the death I am in. He brushes me off, points out the exit to the graveyard and even gives me a guide to make sure I know which way is right. I have been saved from death, but I ask myself, why do I continue to gaze longingly at my grave? I have been saved from the filth of the dirt and from the stench of death.
For me, the stench and filth of death looked like drugs, alcohol, disrespect toward the value of my own life, nights of misery and self-loathing, nights in jail, nights in the hospital, and days of shame and misery as I faced who I truly had become. I was as far from the promised "heavenly places" as I could get.
I once again picture that graveyard and I see myself clambering over the gate, shuffling like some kind of reverse zombie back toward my grave and my death. I see myself sliding into the hole as a small avalanche of dirt follows me down. Handful by sin stained handful, I begin to claw and grab for the dirt and begin covering myself with my pain, misery and sin. As I lay there dying, suffocating myself with my sin, I once again feel the hand of God reaching down toward me, probing through the weight of the dirt and grasping my hand once again.
Although this is a picture of God's grace, it is also a picture of the life that we often lead as Christians. We know we have been saved, we know we have been forgiven, but still we head back toward our graves as we pursue the things that this world lures us with. My sins were steps toward my own grave. My drinking, my drug use, my lying, my stealing, my greed, my anger, my intolerance, my disregard for family---step after step after step. Even to this day, I know that my mind is constantly urging, prodding and pleading with me to take just one more step closer to the grave. My mind still insists that I start grabbing handfuls of soil and begin covering myself in death. My flesh wants me to dig my own grave, over and over again. Are you the same? Are there areas of your life that your flesh is willing to tolerate in what may just be a half-step toward your grave. Are there areas where you flesh gleefully watches you build momentum from a slow shuffle to a brisk walk? Are their even times when you reach out to those around you and attempt to urge them closer to their own graves? Whatever areas you may be justifying, whatever areas you may be fighting, whatever sins you may be suffering under, know that they are all moving you closer to your own grave and your own death. Yes, we know that Jesus has the power to lift us from the grave thousands of times over, but is that the way that we want his grace to impact us?
Be aware of the direction you are moving in. Be aware of your course direction. Understand that God's grace will help you move forward as you begin to lose momentum and as your body begins to turn and face toward your empty grave. Remember that you have victory. Remember that the dirt and stain of your grave no longer clings to you. Remember your Savior. Remember your salvation. Remember the prize of living a life that presses on toward God and away from your grave. Always be aware of which direction you are heading. Live a life where the distance between your grave and your bold, spirit-filled steps is ever widening.
God, please help me to further distance myself from my death and my grave. Help me to be sensitive enough to know when my head is beginning to turn back toward my death. Help me to always press on toward the life that you offer. Breathe your Holy Spirit into me when my feet begin to slow, or when my spirit is drawn back to the grave as it whispers to me. Quiet those voices with the power of your command. Amen
