In Between Channels

Many times over the past few years I have doubted, wondered and almost given up on the idea of God ever speaking to me. I begin to question if it is even possible. Often times the self-indictment of my own unworthiness and God's lack of interest is where I place the blame for this communication void.  I feel like this is such a sad departure from when the absolutely clear voice of Jesus called me away from a life of addiction and excess.  Am I still hoping to hear that same voice today? To be honest I am not quite sure.  I know for a fact that God is capable, but do I know for a fact that he is willing?  This past weekend I attended a "Space for God" retreat where we learned how to practice solitude.  As much as the idea of silence stacked upon silence sent fear shooting through me, I felt that it was something that I at least needed to experience.  I spent the whole weekend untethered to technology.  No texts, no emails, no work emails, no checking the weather, no checking to see if any newsworthy stories were breaking. This "practicing of solitude" is something that I am just learning to do, but I am already seeing a huge area of weakness in my own spiritual walk.  If I was Peter walking on water, I most likely would not have heard Jesus because of my the music in my headphones or I might have been looking down at my phone, checking the latest scores.  I sometimes feel like one of those old car radio whose knob is stuck between stations. I hear little bits of noise and conversation as they bleed over each other, but there is little or no signal received from the one who offers the greatest words to calm my frenetic soul: "Peace I leave with you."  I am coming to realize that it is not that God no longer cares.  It is not that I have used up all of his grace.  It is not that I only get one chance to hear from God and that I only heard his voice exactly because I was at my darkest moment.  The problem is that my ear is tuned to too many stations at once.  It is not that God does not choose to speak to me, it is that all of the other voices are joining together to drown him out.
Although my thoughts and plans to change this are still in their infancy, I have already felt a change in my level of openness to God's voice.  Something compels me to believe that I am not the only one who is experiencing an increase in voices competing for attention while the only voice that truly matters is lost in this flood of noise.  Maybe you too could spend a few days in deliberate solitude.  Don't check your email, turn off your phone, say "No" a few times, try a day or two without checking the mail. See if the pace of your life slows down and see if the pace of incoming information slows down as well.  Maybe you will begin to hear the voice of God break through, or maybe you will just find yourself able to prepare your heart and soul to better meet with him.  I know that my own longing is that I become like the psalmist in Psalm 132:2 who asks God to "compose and quiet my soul; like a weaned child rests against his mother'.  My prayer is that you long for this as well.
"Lord, help me to seek quiet in my life so that I can hear you voice guide me."

Hand Wrestling with God

I have always had much confusion and difficulty around the idea of placing my life in God's hands.  Not necessarily as far as my salvation goes as I am certainly aware of my need in that area, but when it comes to giving Him control of my life I have done a pretty inept job.  Where I am not comfortable is that not only is God my savior, he is also supposed to be my guide.  Whoa there!  Hold your horses! You mean I am supposed to actually rely on someone else to guide me through life? Fat chance!  It feels as if since the day that God brought me back from the brink of death and since I placed my life in his hands I have been prying at his fingers, trying to get enough of a purchase to pull it back.  Each time I have an opportunity to make a decision I grab a little more.  Where do I go next in life? A little tug.  Where do I look for work? I tug a little harder.  How do I prioritize my time and resources?  A giant, soul wrenching tug.  As I look back at the nature of my grasping for control over the course of my Christian walk I begin to wonder why would I ever try to wrest back control of a ship that was so clearly headed for destruction and doom without Christ at the helm.  Why would I do something so counter intuitive?  Do I think I can do a better job than him?  As I reflect on this I feel that there are several different factors that cause that cause me to function this way. 1) I typically seek to control every aspect of my own life 2) my faith is not great enough to think that I will ever hear from God 3) somewhere deep inside I feel that God is really not all that interested in me.
 As I mull these different factors over in my mind I can think of dozens of reasons why each of them has had a debilitating effect on my relationship with God.  The one thread that seems to run through them, however, has very little to do with God and far more to do with me.  My own spiritual doubts about myself, my worthiness and having to earn the acceptance of God cloud my judgment to the point that I feel that I am the only one who needs to be in charge.  None of the blame lies with God.  All of the doubts that make me lord of my own life find fertile soil in my own mind and soul and fly  in the face of the truth about the true Lord.  As I go through the list of reasons why I choose to guide my own ship, the blinders fall off and the truth begins to emerge. 3)  It is absolutely clear that God is interested in me.  It is not in the nature of God to be disinterested in one who he loves as he does his own son. 2) It is not in the nature of God to wait until my jar of faith is full enough that he then feel that he is justified to act on my behalf.  God is always there and ready to act, ready to guide my steps. 1) There are countless reminders in the Bible that the Good Shepherd is there to lead us.  There are numerous prayers about receiving guidance from God given as examples for us.  This fight of mine against giving over control of my life to God is only a one side affair.  The only obstacle to this lies in my own mind and in my own lack of surrender.  God has promised to lead and guide me, why would I in any way feel I can do anything good with any of the choices that I make?  The reality is that I never have made the right choices, and that apart from him I never will.
"Lord, help me to allow you to guide my steps. Help me to overcome any thoughts that I am even capable of living apart from you."

A Victory Interrupted

Have you ever had one of those periods in your life when you felt like you were on top of the world? Great Job. Great family. Great car. Great friends.  You may have even had a great spiritual victory over pride, addiction, greed, lust or any of the other pitfalls that exist as we foray into a spiritually darkened world.  It feels great, doesn't it?  Have you also felt the rapid descent as these victories are replaced by new battles, not so perfect families, an angry boss, a broke down old jalopy, or a friend who betrays you?  In all honesty, the majority of my adult life, and almost all of my Christian walk has been comprised of these fluctuations between feelings of great blessing to feelings of the deepest despair.  This spiritual yo-yo ing is made even more difficult as I struggle to decipher what of my emotions are spiritual in nature and what of my emotions are a result of battling with a mental disorder that manifests itself in much the same way.  I have struggled with this distinction for many, many years, but tonight I have reached a strong conclusion.  I am who God made me to be.  I am not bound by any chemical imbalance, learned behavior or whatever else my natural mind, absent from God, may use as an excuse.  Sure, I am still going to be proactive, understanding that I need to take care of myself physically and mentally in the here and now, but no longer will I allow myself the luxury of feeling these ups and downs as a result of my diagnosis.  Instead I will feel these ups and downs as one who is certain that God knows that these ups and downs are a typical part of every Christian walk, and that there is absolutely nothing unique about me in that area. Yep, you are expected to have these ups and downs too.  The Bible is pretty clear about this. let me show you.
      Imagine that you just had one of the greatest victories that you ever experienced in your life. Elijah is a prophet who experienced exactly that.  The one True God of Israel has just empowered Elijah to embarrass 450 prophets of Baal as they danced, cavorted, slashed at themselves and prayed in vain for their offering to be consumed by flame.  Elijah then builds a small moat around his offering, dumps water on it to the point that  it is filled , and fire from the Lord comes from Heaven and burns the offering with such heat that even the water in the moat is gone.  To make the victory even greater, the people of Israel are with him as they slaughter the 450 prophets who had been sacrificing the children of Israel, forcing them into prostitution and performing barbaric acts of worship.  Talk about the top of the world.  I look back at this and think, "wow" if I saw the glory and the power of the Lord like this, I would be a lean, mean, Christ-following machine.  How ineffectual are my thoughts  apart from God.  (At least I have this in common with Elijah).  In verse 49 of I Kings 18, we see that Elijah is filled with the power of the Lord as he races back to Jezreel following this amazing victory.   We see him 3 and 4 verses later running in exactly the opposite direction, fleeing the threat of death that Jezebel has set upon him.  Elijah spends a whole day running and at the end of that day says "I have had enough Lord, Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors."  God is not surprised by this.  In fact, God is there to nurture and sustain Elijah as an angel brings him food and water and allows Elijah to rest.  There is no voice of condemnation, no sigh of disappointment, no anger that yet another prophet has failed.  God sends the blessing of food drink and rest to Elijah.  Later in the chapter, God reveals to Elijah that he is not done with him yet, but even this was done in a small whisper rather than in a blaze of fire, an earthquake, or a powerful whisper.  Whenever I find myself flagging spiritually, or when you find yourself spending more time where Elijah found himself after his victory, remember that God is whispering to you in a voice that is free from condemnation.  It is free from all of the thoughts and doubts that cycle through our heads as we question our ability to follow him.  His voice is filled with a certainty that we will press on to even greater heights and will be available and eager to hear what he calls us to next. Next time you experience victory think about this. Know that it is very likely that a valley may be looming. It may be big, it may be small, but you can rest assured that his voice will be calling out , lovingly whispering his plan for you.

What The Presence of God Really Means

At first glance, the book of Lamentations would most likely fall pretty low on the list of books of the Bible that one would use for purposes of evangelism outreach.  Using it could possibly go something like this.."I would really like to share a verse with you"  "Ummm...I guess it couldn't hurt". "This verse is from the book of Lamentation...Chapter 1 v 2.  "She weeps bitterly in the night. And her tears are on her cheeks; She has none to comfort her." "Ummm....thanks for that, I think I hear my phone ringing, I better take that call."
     When it comes to leading with the positive, it certainly seems at first blush that Lamentations would not be a jumping off point.  Upon further examination, however, the parallels between the plight of a nation that had rejected God as shown in Israel,  is remarkably similar to the plight of a nation that has done the same thing 2500 or so years later.  Many of the hardships that Israel endured are prevalent in our society in this modern era as well.  While we certainly have our share of the troubles that the nation of Israel endured as the prophet Jeremiah observed the decayed state of his nation, perhaps the most startling absence that we can note is the absence of comfort. There are numerous references to the lack of comfort that the people of Israel had as a result of their sin.  One gets the sense that amidst all of the trials imposed on Israel, the lack of comfort stood out as the one aspect of their punishment that Jeremiah found to be the most difficult.
Might it not be a point of impact to begin to understand that multitudes of people who do not know Jesus are exposed to this same void in their own lives? It only takes a cursory glance around our American culture that our constant and frenetic pursuit of comfort indicates that a massive void must exist in that area. How do we help to fill this void as followers of Jesus?  The meaning of the word comfort is to show kindness to someone.  This typically occurs in Scripture when a death occurs.  The source of comfort, however, according to Isaiah 12:1 is from God. This, may be the root, as well as the solution to our problems as Christians.  Until we can understand that all of our earthly strivings, all of our Social Gospel efforts, all of our community programs and outreaches are as vain as Solomon's pursuits, our impact on bringing comfort to this barren, desolate world will be taken with the wind.  Until we can truly surrender ourselves to the idea that our comfort can never come from bigger paychecks, more influential friends, a winning football team, a warmer climate, or any of the other things we seek to fill our comfort void with, we can never truly show the world what it means to be comforted.  I know that each month, as the bills are paid, and the calculation of  how much money my family has to last until I get paid again happens, my ability to take comfort from God is challenged.  Some weeks it is a battle that I win, and some weeks the converse takes place.  This is a work in progress, but I am also understanding that the more I seek comfort on my own, the bigger the comfort void becomes. What areas of comfort are you seeking to grasp hold of apart from God? Can you change that?  Is there something you can do right now, in this moment, to signify that you are giving it over to Him, seeking His comfort?  This is not a one time thing, but if you never start the process, you can never come to a true understanding of what the presence of God really means.

Good News/Bad News- The Lord is Returning

I can remember many times while growing up that whenever the pastor or guest speaker spoke about end times and the Rapture I had a growing sense of unease in the pit of my stomach.  This could certainly be due to the fact that I was not really aware of what a true relationship with Christ was, but it could also be due to the fact that I really struggle with abstract concepts.  Wrapping my head around eternity, the Rapture, the disappearance of a huge percentage of the earth's population and those relatively horrible end times films that attempted to portray these events may have left a permanent mark on me.  As I have grown older, I have more and more been exposed to the idea that the eminent return of the Lord is something we should be hoping for.  I still have difficulty in grasping this concept fully, but I can freely admit that there have been periods of my life where Heaven sounded like a welcome alternative to this earthly existence.  As I was reading Amos 5:18-21, a different picture of the "Day of the Lord" jumped out at me.  It is a stark reminder that His return is far less a rescue of us from our earthly troubles than a regathering of those who are doing His work.

v.18-Alas, you who are longing for the day of the Lord, 
For what purpose will the day of the Lord be to you? 
It will be darkness and not light;
19-As when a man flees from a lion, and a bear meets him,
or goes home, leans his hand against the wall,
And a snake bites him.
20- Will not the day of the Lord be darkness instead of light, 
Even gloom with no brightness in it.
21- I hate, I reject your festivals, Nor do I delight in your solemn assemblies.

The passage goes on to state that even the songs that are sung for God are detestable, and the offerings are not even deserving of a glance from God.

While this passage was most likely intended to address Israel's coming hope of the Messiah, it has a timeless importance for us today. These are God's chosen people.  These are the ones through whom he will complete the work of the salvation of mankind, yet he wants nothing to to with them and warns them repeatedly that his return may be far different than they ever expected.  Maybe it will be different than some of us expect too.  Maybe we are unprepared as Israel was unprepared.  Maybe we have found a spiritual catchphrase in calling for the return of the Lord.  There is certainly no harm in this, as we see this hope portrayed many times throughout the Scriptures, but this hope and utterance needs to always be accompanied by a fear and understanding that God is returning to judge the world as well.  Might we be cautious that we do not flee from a lion only to run into a bear?  I know that I still have an unsettled feeling when I think of the Lord's return.  Am I living the life that is surrendered and submitted?  Am I sowing and reaping? Am I sharing the good news? Or am I trying to make my mark on the world in some other way, be it money, fame, possessions, or effort?  When I ask myself these questions, I begin to get that growing sense of unease and I know that there is still much for me to do here on earth.  Lord, I pray that you will help me to better understand what you would have me do on this earth in order to better prepare for your coming. Make my songs and my meager offerings pleasing in your sight.

The Best Move Ever

I must admit that the majority of my wrestling experience throughout my life involves viewing matches between the likes of Hulk Hogan, Macho Man and Brett "the Hit Man"Hart.  The typical script for one of the matches involving these or other characters was that the hero usually found himself in the position of being beaten soundly by his opponent.  He may have found himself lying flat on his back or meeting harshly with a corner post.  The drama of the impending doom of the hero usually brought the crowd to their feet, shouting their support that the hero recover and fight back.  In what was certainly an effective marketing play, the hero usually recovered, pulled out some kind of amazing reversal, and quickly pinned his opponent to the map.  The crowd responded accordingly, and the day was saved.

      I am certainly no wrestling technician, but I do remember seeing some pretty swift and amazing reversals.  None of them, however, even compare with the picture of reversal that we see in our Bibles.
One of these stories of reversal takes place in the Book of Esther.  Esther and her people, the Jews, were literally about to be murdered by a powerful ruler named Haman. In a swift and sudden reversal, Haman finds himself at a a party with a king one night, and being impaled on a 75 foot pole the next day.  Meanwhile, Esther and her people assume a role of leadership in her country and actually are able to defeat all of their enemies and ensure their survival.  While I am not, and am guessing that you are not a wrestler, and neither of us are in immediate danger of being wiped out by a powerful ruler, a major reversal may be needed in your or my life. This reversal is provided on your behalf by the the man who performed the greatest reversal ever. Jesus held all of the power in Heaven and Earth, but reversed that and came to earth as a humble man. Jesus was a man without sin, but reversed that to become a man who bore the weight of all sin.  Jesus was a man who was was without blame, but bore a shameful reversal, bearing the blame for all of our sins.  Jesus was the one man deserving life, but in a sacrificial reversal, chose death.  After choosing death, Jesus shows us perhaps the greatest reversal by defeating the grave and coming back to life.

     I can remember occasions where I and my brother, or groups of friends would attempt to perform some of the acts that these wrestlers were engaging in, and despite our efforts, could never seem to perform them with the same grace and fluidity that the professionals were exhibiting.  This is where I can share with you what I know to be the greatest reversal of all.  I was once that wrestler.  I was being flung mercilessly against the rope, being spun in the air and slammed to the mat.  My back was arching and I was squirming right and left, but I was about to be pinned. Death had mastered me, and its crowd of demons was jeering triumphantly.  The only reversal that was available to me involved crying out to the one and only man who had the key to defeating Death.  I cried out, and in what is the greatest reversal ever, Death was flung far from me, and a new life was offered.  The best part of this reversal is that it is available to all, not just me.  You may be suffering under the weight of sin and death.  You may actually have reached a point of passive acceptance that God exists, but are only one or two life events from having that concept thrown into the ring with doubt and fear.  You may be one of those who cheers more loudly for the villain than the hero, because one of the "good guys" has hurt you or betrayed you in the past.  No matter what reason you may need it, I can guarantee you that you do need a reversal.  We all need this reversal.  Take the time to see just how close you are to lying flat on your back, grasping and struggling for breath.  Take the time to think about Jesus, the one man who gives us the power to fight our way off of the mat and emerge standing on the ropes, arms raised in victory. Take the time to grasp ahold of the greatest reversal ever. Take the time to ask Jesus to deliver you from what is a sure and impending defeat. A reversal is available to you today.  Take advantage while you can.

   

Righteousness vs. Rightness: The Dichotomous Nature of American Christianity

These past few weeks I have begun a more intentional prayer regimen where I keep a prayer journal and pray on it every four hours throughout the day. One of the impacts of this journal is that I seem to be adding to it throughout the day, not so much because of the requests of others, but in large part because my own needs are being revealed. One of the issues that made it onto my prayer list has to do with the issue of Rightness. I felt a dogged and persistent desire to make it know that I was right, and that another viewpoint was wrong. As you can imagine, this has made my marriage very entertaining at times. It has also caused me to be very judgmental toward certain sins. (homosexuality being one of them) As I surrender this area to the Holy Spirit, as is typical for me, I begin to make broader applications of this principle and my mind is immediately drawn to the image of the modern church. We as believers should all agree that we are called to Righteousness. According to the Evangelical Dictionary of Theology, this takes place through the process of sanctification where the believer grows in the likeness of Christ. Only through the empowerment of the Holy Spirit can this process take place. Initially it takes place before and during salvation, but as Paul made very clear, it continues until our expiration date on earth. It is an amazing thing for a believer to strive toward righteousness, and it is something that is completely attainable through the Holy Spirit. The dichotomy exists, however, when we cease looking inward toward our own righteousness and focus instead on debating the rightness of the world around us. Sadly enough, the latter often seems the path most travelled. We are given numerous Biblical references as to who is the ruler of this current world. It is not a surprise, and our Almighty has even developed a plan for how to win the world back. Interestingly enough, it does not have much to do with projecting our values on the world, as much as it has to do with projecting the life of Jesus on the world. We as believers should be cautious about speedily sending out the emissaries of judgement, morality, and rightness to a lost world, while the lame and limping messenger of love arrives a day later, finding the doors to hearts and minds shut fast against him. This in no way abdicates the idea of an absolute truth, but what is does do is strip away the arrogance that tells me I can change the world without God. Yes, there are absolute truths that we hold. Yes, the world often holds the opposite of these truths. Yes, it can be frustrating at times. Yes, you were once in that same position, and no amount of projected rightness brought you closer to righteousness. Only the power of God and the work of the Holy Spirit brought you to the point where you began to pursue a different righteousness. How can we expect anything other than that in a lost world? So, before you go on a tirade about homosexuality,adultery,sexual impurity, greed, perversion, or any other deficits of righteousness that are rampant in America, look inward to your own righteousness. Pray with all your heart that those who are lost could be so blessed that the God of Heaven would reach down into their hearts and do for them what he did for you. Live in a way that shows the love and thankfulness that this salvation gives you. Send out emissaries of love and peace, keep the messengers of rightness, morality and judgment in the reserves. Allow the Holy Spirit to do His work. He will bring right with God. He will convict. He will change. He will bring His righteousness. May we all pray to this end.