In my 15 year career as a Special Education Teacher, the language and philosophy surrounding trauma has progressed from sweeping it under the rug, to developing extensive and thorough curriculum to help individuals overcome trauma. There are many things that bring trauma into lives (abuse in its many forms, incarceration, extreme poverty,etc…) and these are often easy to identify. There are also thousands of well intentioned, productive educational works that address these issues. As redundancy is not my intention, we will leave those issues to other experts. In my years of teaching students who often have multiple areas of trauma impact, the negative impact of trauma is stark and impossible to ignore. These more noticeable forms of trauma, are not the sum of all the types of trauma that exist. An area of trauma that might often go unnoticed in educational circles is the trauma of uncertainty. This uncertainty is not about whether your team is going to win its next game, if your spouse likes your new haircut, or if you need a raincoat tomorrow or not.
This trauma is unique in that it is not
focused on childhood, but instead has a negative impact across the age
spectrum. Things like simmering anger, meal uncertainty, family strife, and to some, whether you are liked by others or not are all part of this trauma of uncertainty. There are very few times in the history of our country where this
uncertainty has had a more deleterious impact. The political divisions in our
country, the Coronavirus and the varied responses to it, the financial impact
of these restrictions, and the tension that is brought to relationships through
all of these are contributors to this trauma of uncertainty.
Are we getting another stimulus check? Will
this family disagreement over how to handle a virus end? Will the news ever be
uplifting? Will we be forced to endure another Presidential debate? How will my
kids staying at home impact their long term learning? If I have to spend
another day at home with my kids will they even survive to learn another day?
These and many other uncertainties swirl
around in our heads on a constant spin cycle, and in one of life’s greatest
ironies, all our efforts to dispel these uncertainties through constant worry
have the opposite effect. We continue to swish and swirl in this cauldron of
uncertainty, never drawing any closer to a peaceful, uninvaded mind.
I wish that my experience was that the onset
of Covid-19 is when the trauma of uncertainty began to build to a crescendo in
my brain, but I must admit that I have been perfecting this dance with uncertainty
long before this virus was even in a test tube.
Marriage difficulties, feelings of insecurity,
struggles with addiction and (insert problem here) have created a very
defensive trauma response in me. (I think I hear my wife nodding her head in an
emphatic manner right now). It is within this chaos of uncertainty that a
person can become disengaged from the world around them. This is not how we
were created to interact with the world and people around us.
Although I am still in the process of recovery
from this uncertainty trauma, I can say with absolute confidence that without
inviting God into an active role in your life, the spin cycle will continue. It
is human nature (and a very strong inclination for me) to presume that all of
our striving and planning will give us some measure of control over our
uncertainty. “If I plan good enough, I can expect xyz results.” Ephesians 4:17 would beg to differ with us.
"17 So I tell you this, and
insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in
the futility of their thinking."
The only eventuality is more trauma when
we continue in our uncertainty, seeking to implement our own gameplan. As we
see the world around us engage in this we can only be reminded of our inability
to pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps. We either give in to the futility
of our existence apart from God, or we surrender our plans and submit ourselves
to the only true source that can heal us from this trauma.
I feel much like a teacher who is only
one lesson ahead of the class on this, as my journey in surrenderer is just
beginning, but I can tell you that 40+ years of battling uncertainty through my
own willpower was an abject failure.
Trust God.
Give your fears and uncertainty to Him.
He will give tangible proof that he is real, that he can
heal you, and that His desire is for you to live in the peace and promise of
His will.
Isaiah 26:3 “You will keep him in
perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.”
